My Journal
by BlackRose-Kourui
Summary: Taichi loves Yamato. Yamato loves Taichi. But they are hitting some rocky terrain and Taichi wants to take things into his own hands.. ( Yaoi, nothing lemony, just talk of love.. and death.. )


My Journal By: Kourui Disclaimer: I don't own Taichi, or Yamato. I don't own Digimon. I own squat. So now you know.  
  
Tai whimpered to himself, dreaming of his lost love. -How could I have been such a bastard!? To afraid of what people might think!! Why can't I just forget!? I miss him, I remember his strong arms wrapped around me . . and I had to go break his heart . . and shatter mine . .- Tai ran his tongue across the lip ring that he had gotten as a confession of his love to Matt. Then he looked down to the tattoo of death, displayed on his wrists. -I should've gone through with it!! I shouldn't have let myself be caught!! But again, like always . . I was afraid!! I just want to pain to go away!! Fear . . the damn thing!! It ruined my fucking life!!- He threw his journal . . full of pages telling how much he loved Matt against the wall. A song came to mind . . he thought of it as his dumb life . . Linkin Park: Easier To Run It's easier to run Replacing the pain with something numb It's so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
Something has been taken From deep inside of me A secret I've kept locked away No one can ever see Wounds so deep they never show They never go away Like moving pictures in my head For years and years they've played  
  
If I could change I would Take back the pain I would Retrace every wrong step that I made I would If I could Stand up and take all the blame I would If I could take all the shame to the grave I would  
  
Sometimes I remember The darkness of my past Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have Sometimes I think of letting go And never looking back And never moving forward There would never be a past  
  
Just washing it aside All of the helplessness inside Pretending I don't feel misplaced Is so simpler than change  
  
It's easier to run Replacing the pain with something numb It's so much easier to go Than face all this pain here all alone  
  
Tai began crying, forgetting about the people who he had kept his secret from. Now his pain was too great to bear. -This is the end of my life . . I wish not to live!! - He grabbed his journal, scrabbling something quickly, then placing a to Matt sign on the front. He opened it to the last page, one last time. He scratched his arm, smearing his blood at the end of his message. He ran over to the phone, dialing Matt's number. ^Hello, Ishida residence^ "Matt . . I know you don't want to talk to me and that you hate me . . but I just had to say goodbye . . I love you and I'll miss you . . I hope by next time I see you that you'll have forgiven me . . but I don't want the pain anymore . . goodbye Matt Aishiteru." Tai hung up, breathing heavily . . "Goodbye Matt!! Aishiteru!!" He howled, then grabbing a knife slit both his wrists, and with his last breath plunged the knife deep into his heart.  
  
~*~*~Matt's Point of View~*~*~ Matt sat quietly crying to himself by Tai's coffin. "Tai . . you idiot!! You weren't supposed to kill yourself!!" He said softly.  
  
The small group of people around him all grieved for Matt. They had grieved for there loss of Tai, but this young man's life had been shattered . . never to be the same.  
  
Matt stood up, sitting in a pew, as Father Lawrence talked about Tai. Then Matt went out to watch them bury his best friend who had killed himself at the young age of 17.  
  
~*~*~ Two months later ~*~*~ Matt sat, looking at the cover of Tai's journal. It had been soaked by his tears. He hadn't dared to open it. It would be to difficult for him. But today he gained the courage. He opened it and slowly read through it. Tai was so sad inside . . all these things were so sad. Then Matt reached the page that he and Tai had began going out . . all the pages after that were of someone hopelessly in love. Finally he reached the last page. It read . . -I miss him so much. I love him so much . . I can't believe I let myself hurt him. Matt is so perfect, I love everything about him . . I'm so sorry Matt . . this was my decision . . I'm sorry I hurt you . . I wish you could forgive me . . I love you Ishida Yamato . . I love you . . I'm so sorry I ruined your life how I did . . this is the best for both of us . . - After that there was a blotch of blood that Tai had signed his journal with.  
  
Matt had been crying before, but now he began sobbing. Burying his face in his pillow "Aishiteru Tai!!!" He howled to no one.  
  
He grabbed a pen and wrote Tai a message in his journal . . -Tai . . I love you too . . I miss you so much . . Aishiteru!! - He also scratched himself, mixing his blood with Tai's dried blood. Then closed the book hugging it to his chest . . he fell asleep.  
  
[The End(!_! I'm sorry it was so sad . . maybe to you it wasn't sad . . maybe I just over reacted . . but when I was writing it I was crying . . I know it's dumb . . crying over a story you made up . . but I was crying like a little kid . . ). Please respond] 


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